bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
