He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
