My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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