Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
