her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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