repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
