I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
