i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
