Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
