My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
