Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
