so that wasnt chicken after all
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
