i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
