So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
