My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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