Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
