If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
