I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
