I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
