i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just pee around me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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