and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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