marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
