On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
