I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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