Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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