i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
