So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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