Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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