I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
