dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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