summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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