my shit smells like andre
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
