You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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