It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
