I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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