literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do herpes really smell.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
