He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
