I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
