I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
