Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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