Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
