It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
