WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
