that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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