what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize