I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
