I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize