I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
