Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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