Is it normal to miss your booty call?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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