I want to have your abortion
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
