you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
