dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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