i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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