he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
