he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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