If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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