So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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