Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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