I understand Curling. That high.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
