Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
even my farts smell like vagina
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
