i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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